A Fearless Life

At one point in my life, fear controlled me. Fear was behind my decisions, my thoughts and my actions. Fear literally controlled my life. It showed itself through anxiety, worry, paranoia, unhealthy guilt & lack of self confidence just to name a few. Once I became aware of just how much power fear had in my life, I tried to take control back. And so I learned to do things in spite of my fear.

I was talking to a friend the other day about the opposite of fear. It makes sense that if I am filled with the opposite of fear, then I won’t have room for fear. That’s kind of the point of opposites right? If I’m full, I can’t be hungry. If I’m happy, I can’t be sad. So if I am to rid myself of fear, I need to be filled with its opposite. Since 1 John 4:8 says that perfect love casts out fear, we agreed that it was not just love but perfect love.

Perfect love casts out fear. Therefore, if I am receiving perfect love, then I will have no fear. So I started thinking about what I am really afraid of. All my fears seem so surface level – trying new things, talking to strangers, going to new places, doing new things alone. But as I thought about it, I realized what I’m really afraid of is what other people will think of me. Why do I care? Because I’m afraid people will reject me or ignore me or will judge me which is really being afraid that people won’t love me. So basically all my fears boil down to me being afraid of not being loved.

But let’s be honest. I shouldn’t even be seeking love from people because what I really need and should be seeking is perfect love. And people, because of sin and our human nature, cannot give that in its fullness. It’s very difficult to receive something that isn’t being given. I need to be seeking perfect love from the only one who can give it. In seeking and receiving perfect love from God, I will never have to fear anything (rejection, abandonment, judgement, etc) because God’s perfect love leaves no room for fear.

But here is the other thing I realized. Even when God has asked me to do crazy things in the past, I’ve always been a little to a lot afraid. Even the smallest amount of fear was more often than not my first reaction – so obviously I’m not living in or experiencing God’s perfect love.

So basically, for the past 27 years, I’ve been looking for the wrong kind of love (the imperfect human version of love) in the wrong place (other people) and have been living out of the wrong source of love (which has actually been fear) and have never fully experienced God’s perfect love because I think fear (even just a small amount) has always been part of my relationship with myself, with others and with God.

That led me to the question: what if instead of acting in spite of fear, I’m actually being filled with God’s perfect love which leaves no room for fear which allows me to act out of his perfect love? I’d call that a game changer. And no game changer is easily acquired.

So where do I go from here? I’m not really sure. I don’t think there’s a step by step method – only intentionality and awareness and prayer. Lots and lots of prayer. I do know that fear is very clever and comes in many disguises and controls many people in both small and large ways. Many times they don’t even know it. I didn’t know how strong of a grip fear held on me until I was crippled by it – to the point where it was all I could do to get out of bed some mornings.

I must recognize fear for what it is, the power it holds and the lies it tells. God’s love is stronger than the darkest fears. God’s love speaks truth that sticks far longer than the loudest lies.  I can’t keep living in spite of fear or keep pushing fear down. That was just my bandaid for a deeper problem. It’s time to experience life with no fear. It’s time to learn to seek, receive and live in God’s perfect love that casts out fear.