Back On The Emotional Roller Coaster

When preparing to leave Albania and then actually reentering the States, emotional roller coasters were the norm for me. The smallest things would set me off mourning for the family, friends, home & culture I just left while other things would make me so joyful to be back where life is so much easier and I’m surrounded by family I grew up with. Basically I would be either really happy or really sad – rarely in the middle or in control of my emotions until I processed through leaving Albania & coming back to the States. I haven’t ridden that extreme emotional roller coaster for a while!

Yesterday was my first day helping at a film camp for kids. It was a weirdly emotional day and I felt like I had once again jumped on the emotional roller coaster – mainly because of the memories it brought back from Albania. It didn’t help that I organized & ran a very similar camp last summer before leaving. So everything reminded me of that week, that camp & those kids.

Trying to teach the kids how to think creatively yesterday reminded me of doing the exact same thing at Burime when I taught creative classes, focusing on that very same thing. And seeing their breakthroughs yesterday & in Albania were both so satisfying. And the kids. A lot of the kids threw me mentally & emotionally right back into Albania.

Especially 3 girls. There were 3 girls from Thailand who were speaking a dialect of Burmese whenever they were together. Of course I was immediately drawn to them and was very interested in learning about their background & culture. I got one of the girls who happened to be in my group to teach me a couple phrases – only one of which I remember. But she was so excited that someone wanted to learn her native tongue! The rest of the day she would sporadically ask how I was and I would always answer fine – the one phrase I could remember.

Of course this brought back memories of language learning and the excitement Albanians would have when they realized I was learning Albanian and would go out of their way to help me or max out all their patience as I butchered their language in the beginning. It also reminded me of how proud my Albanian family and friends were when I could finally start having conversations with people.

This girl who taught me how to say fine moved to the States less than 3 years ago & spoke no English. Of course she is fluent now though she says she is still learning. But she would ask me randomly how to say words that are only in a native speaker’s vocabulary. So of course this reminded me of all the kids I taught English to during my 2 years in Albania and the intense drive some of the kids have to learn English because they know it will lead to better opportunities which lead to a better life.

Of course even the kids who had less than ideal behavior reminded me of some of the kids at Burime who used up your patience but really they just needed extra love.

So yesterday, no matter what I was doing, what I was seeing or who I was with, thoughts & emotions from Albania flooded my head and my heart making me realize that though physically I may have left almost 1 year ago, Albania is just as close to my heart as the day I left.