I’m no stranger to no. I’ve heard it many times. In many different ways. From many different people. In fact, there was a point in my life where it seemed all I heard was no.
No, that won’t work.
No, that’s not how we do things here.
No, this is how we’ve always done it and will always do it.
No, you can’t do that.
No, why would you even suggest that.
No, no, no.
No was told to me in many different words, gestures & forms. It was probably the most frustrating period of my life. I’m an idea person. I like to come up with loads of ideas and try them out knowing that most of them will never work. But that’s how I get new ideas – ideas that actually do work. So during this time of my life, I was never even able to make it past the idea stage before I heard no which meant I was never allowed to go after ideas just to see where they led. I couldn’t explore. I couldn’t create. I couldn’t grow.
For a while, I tried keeping the ideas to myself and pursuing them on my own. But even then I was found out and told “See? I knew that wouldn’t work.”
Knowing it wouldn’t work isn’t the point of an idea. The point of an idea is to try something new, spice things up, change up the pace. Ideas should lead to action and during the action phase, whether you succeed or not, inspiration happens. And when I couldn’t pursue ideas, I began to have fewer and fewer of them because I lost my inspiration. I lost my passion. I ended up losing myself.
Somewhere along the way, I realized that I had begun telling myself no too. And eventually I gave into the no’s. I started listening to them. I quit trying. I gave up. I stopped caring. I just couldn’t fight the battle any more.
For the longest time I hated myself for this because I never quit anything. I always finish to the end – no matter how painful, awkward or unpleasant it is. I was taught growing up to always do your best and never to leave anything unfinished. But I found myself for the first time having given up and feeling like I couldn’t physically, mentally, emotionally, creatively give my best. Before I knew it, I was left with nothing – no ideas, no inspiration, nothing to show for myself. It was a horrible place to be.
But I am beginning to have ideas again. To be inspired again. Ideas & inspiration weaving together to create completed projects (as in actually finishing things again). I have finally come to terms that although yes I did give up it was only for a time. What is important is that I started again. That passion, that desire, that drive to think, create & do is coming back.
I think deep down I knew that I would never be able to fulfill the calling God had given me during that particular time of my life. However he did use that time to clarify, confirm & establish my calling. He never once let me doubt what he wanted me to do. But there was no room to fully pursue and run after that calling where I was then.
But now. Now I finally have room to breathe. I finally have space to create. The space to dream. The space to do. I’m even starting to hear myself say yes again – to believe again.
I think a lot of these steps forward have come from the encouragement from the creative community I’ve discovered in Atlanta who gets it, who get me – they may not understand all the weird quirks I have but they get them. They get the way I process things in really random ways. They get the non-linear way I think and often speak. They get these things because they are the same – in their own unique way. Most of all they don’t say no to ideas. Instead, they ask questions & help develop, grow and mature ideas.
I have learned that being in the right community can make all the difference. I’m finding that being surrounded by people who understand and encourage me creates a launching pad of sorts so that I can jump higher, reach further and dream bigger. And that’s exactly what I’m starting to do again.