Better In My Head – Creating

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had an amazing idea, went to execute it and then realized how much better it was in my head because the final product was nothing like I had imagined. This happens a lot with me whenever I try to create something – especially with film.

I’m a visualizer and a planner so I almost always see what I want in my head before I start executing. This is good because it keeps me focused on getting the shots I need which gives me more time to experiment with other shots. This is a bad thing because my films never turn out the way I saw them in my head – perfect.

In my head… Yes. In my head is a perfect world. There are no variables – I can control everything. There are no surprises, no snags, no hangups, no bumps in the road. I’m not limited by my capabilities – I can imagine shots not how I can shoot them but how I’ve seen others who are more experienced than myself have shot scenes. So in my head, I can create the perfect film.

Then, in the real world, I go to execute and realize the lighting isn’t working so I have to shoot in a different location and readjust everything from there. I usually can’t quite get that one shot to look right and have to improvise. I couldn’t get those 2 shots to cut seamlessly so I have to make the transition another way. And before I know it, my film has changed quite a bit from the perfect version I’d been watching in my head.

And so, I’m disappointed. Because I saw what I wanted and I failed to produce it. I usually dislike what I’ve come up with and am hesitant to share because I know what it could have been.

But the craziest thing has been happening. Other people like what I’ve come up with. It’s often hard for me to believe them and to accept their compliments. I take away their credibility by blaming it on them being family or for non-family members just being nice. But I’ve realized perhaps the reason they like it is because they aren’t comparing the film to what  I saw could have been in a perfect world.

So I’ve decided these perfect films I see in my head shouldn’t keep me from sharing my work. They shouldn’t keep me from accepting compliments and encouragement. Yet at the same time, I do not want to lose what I see in my head because it gives me vision and direction. These perfect films push me to grow and work harder. They keep me from settling. They help me see my potential. And until I reach my potential where I can produce what I visualize in my mind, I will have to accept that for now, my films are better in my head.