When I left Albania, I had sorted, sifted & downsized all my possessions until they fit into two suitcases – mainly because I had no choice. But I found that as I kept what was needed and got rid of all the extra stuff, it felt so good. So freeing. And then I arrived home to a room quite full of things I had left behind & had forgotten about. I just felt bogged down again. So I went through everything trying to get rid of things I didn’t need. But then I went to the store.
Stores here are huge. I still have a hard time shopping because they are just so overwhelming in size and products. Here they not only have 50 brands of the same product but they have a million different variations: low sodium, fat free, low carb, regular, high protein, etc. In Albania you had 2 choices at most: this or that. And there is so much stuff in stores here. Just stuff. Stuff that I hadn’t seen or couldn’t even figure out what the point of it was. All I could think of was what would an Albanian think if they were here.
Of course I eventually got over it though I still struggle in stores and prefer to shop online! But then I moved to Atlanta which gave me a chance to downsize my stuff even more. It is a very freeing feeling to not own a lot of stuff. So when I arrived, unpacked and settled in I was quite pleased. And then I started to get to know the city and meet different people. People who care way more than I do about how they look, what brands of clothes they wear or food they eat. So when I started going to stores, I started seeing clothes I should get to fit in or things I thought I needed to make my life better or easier or even more relatable to other people. I forgot the lesson I learned in Albania. Simple is better. (Also clutter makes me shutter!)
One of the perks of not having a job is that you have to overthink everything you want to buy that you think you need. Turns out, a lot of my needs were actually wants. I couldn’t buy those clothes because I had clothes already. I had a few nice shirts that I never even wear because I just don’t like dressing up and buying those fancy clothes won’t make me like dressing up any more than I currently do. And they certainly won’t make me fit in because that’s not who I am. And all those random finds in the store? Yep. 99.9% of those were wants.
So for the past month, I’ve really been learning what my true needs are versus my wants. Turns out I don’t really have that many needs. Once I began to realize that, all those things I wanted? Well, I don’t really want those any more. God has given me an amazing sense of contentment right now and I am so enjoying living in this moment. I may not have money coming in and I may be paying bills with no potential job even lined up in the future but I’m actually happy not having a lot of money. I’m happy that God has brought me to this place and given me this sense of contentment when the world tells me I should be getting getting getting. I’m happy that in this sense of contentment, money doesn’t have any pull on me because I now know what my needs truly are and I can see God providing for those needs.
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have because God has said, “Never will I leave you: never will I forsake you.” –Hebrews 13:5